Multiple Personality Disorder

I have multiple personality disorder. There are three of me. (Or should I be saying, “There are three of us”?) Either that, or I really do have two parallel-universe twins or clones.

In any event, there are three Schalk Lourenses. I know this, you see. I know this because SANRAL knows it. (SANRAL are the people who administer the e-toll system on the highways of Gauteng to those of you who have been living under a rock.) SANRAL must have all three of me on their system.

There is Schalk Lourens whose e-toll account is paid-up with a healthy balance. I know this because every time I go under certain gantries, my e-tag beeps once only. Not all gantries, but certain gantries.

Then there is Schalk whose e-toll account is not paid-up. I know this because every time I drive under certain other gantries – i.e. gantries that are not included in the group of gantries referred to above – my e-tag beeps four times in annoying succession. This, as we all know, indicates that Schalk’s account balance is very low.

Finally, there is Schalk who does not have an e-tag and who has never paid for the privilege of driving under the gantries. I know this because every so often I receive accounts under the door from SANRAL. According to these accounts, Schalk does not have an e-tag and has never paid any e-tolls.

So there are three of us. I’ll have to get used to that now. I’m not sure what this going to mean in terms of the other things that form part of our lives, like shopping, visiting the post office, going to gym. But I’ll keep my eyes peeled and report anything noteworthy as soon as it happens.

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